Sex and Sensex

Disclaimers:

If reading material like this hurts your sensibility, there's always karanjoharmovies.com .

If you're a kid, I dont give a damn. most of you're bloody corrupted anyway

If you're the moral police, kiss my arse.

If you're still here, I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.

What kind of an investor are you? Clues to be found in what kind of a fucker are you..

Stabilizers

Invest only long term, blue chip securities and “G”-Sec bonds and rely on steady dividends over the years, completely ignoring opportunities thrown up by periodical fluctuations and arbitrage. Just like getting married / committed early, staying loyal, and enjoying the fruits of holy matrimony. They will occasionally look at their peers and think they should try out active trading or a mistress, but will be too cushy in their comfort zone to actually do either.

MBA (Mediocre But Arrogant) / (Married but available)

Some others prefer to have a ‘balanced’ portfolio, depending on their appetite for risk, determined for most part by their age and financial security. In a parallel universe, some screw around like mad when young, only to stabilize to a steady partner, plus a fling or two on the side as age catches up. They invest in 10% bonds, 20% large cap, 20% mid cap, and 50% small cap. This gets revised to 20% bonds, 40% large caps, 30% mid cap and 10% small cap as the age advances. This is like being under the normal curve, an umbrella which covers 80% of the consideration set. These are typically the sort who’ll preach morality while making some short, quick adjustments to their own morality. The sorts who’ll tout vegetarianism as the big virtue, only to take a quick dig into the juicy hamburger.. “Just for the taste,la!!”

Pirates of the Carribean

Then we come to the ‘Buy Today, Sell tomorrow’ and ‘Daily Traders’. These are true pirates, vagabonds who love the thrill the risk, the magic , the possibility of starting a pauper and ending an emperor, or the other way round..all in a day’s work. Often, these people thrive on quick news that they desperately snatch before others. This also has to be followed by flawless execution of the guerilla warfare tactic.. eat, shoot and leave. Remember that friend/ acquaintance/ ex-flame who’s been running loose all over the place..yea yea.. that’s him/her. Its always ‘someone you know’ and never you. 1^st distinguishing character of a punter is to be in denial of the fact that he’s a punter, with no fundamental understanding to back his actions and only out for some opportunity hunting.

10 Colored African Macau

Often termed weirdos . These are the ones out to ‘try’ the other varieties, mostly for the heck of it. Bi-curious , inter-racial , bondage , and maybe other species too. They often elicit reactions like “gross!” “disgusting!” “creepy!” by the others. Commodity trade, futures and options, money market, bullion, derivatives all fall into this category. An overwhelming majority of the junta doesn’t really understand it, and is not even interested to get a grip.

Dog-Watch

Last comes the one who watches over the going-ons of the market, to set the rules of the game and to implement them, so as to keep going an illusion of a fair, non rigged market, one that the small investors feel safe to enter with their small stakes. It’s the Market regulator in the securities markets and the law and order machinery (with voluntary support from the self appointed moral police) for the other side of the moon.

Remember, it is these small stakes that aggregate to become the large pie all the big boys want to dip their fingers into. They are the ones who all come in to join someone else’s party, mesmerized by the lights and sounds and end up either crossing over to the big boys side, or getting royally fucked, mostly the latter.

So long ,and happy ‘in’vesting!

The Next Episode

Think about the photo on the left...Think! let your mind loose and gather all the evasive thoughts spinning thru your head..

Done?

Lets begin..This is collaborative story making, bit like web2.0 .Im starting the fire but have no idea what final shape it will take & neither does anyone else..
Everyone's welcome to post the next episode,but please read all the previous comments to get the drift.

Time tah post!!

pls note : I will take the liberty of deleting irrelevant posts.

Aaja meri gaadi mein baith ja..

Breaking News..really breaking it>>

Back in days of the raaj, okay not that long back but it seems so, I used to read 2 news papers every morning, cover to cover.
Here, I havent read a paper in 2 months. When the world media's falling over itself to cover the Karachi blasts, my dear editor here publishes some obscure politician's pukaar to create a ramrajya in the Ayodhya. When the sensex is bungee jumping and investors of the nation are bleeding their money,Ed tells us that Shyam Sunder Yadav, fell into a ditch and suffered a fracture last night, and why the municipality doesnt do anything about it. Mr SS yadav's claim to fame in life being, well, falling into the ditch.
And this is the paper which is crowning glory in these parts, something the hotel staff gets specially for the sahib from bada shehar.
Ill rather stay outdated and preserve my sanity than vice versa. Thanks, but no thanks , Ed Bastard!

Symbiosis

Symbiosis, def : various degrees of close relationship between organisms of different species, in which at least one organism benefits.

Some time earlier this year, I had gone with a friend to one of mumbai's nondescript restaurants for a quick lunch. We ordered and sat down to wait when I noticed a mouse climbing one of the tables. A huge fuss was made.Words like 'Hygiene' , 'cleanliness' , 'food inspector' , 'legal action', 'shame on you' , 'sorry' , 'reimbursement' were exchanged loudly.

Cut to Chhattisgarh , lunch with a colleague in one of the fanciest restaurants of the place..a mouse casually climbed onto the empty table next to ours and sat there majestically, flashing his moustache at us. I half willingly looked around for the waiter, who smiled sleepily back. I just broke a small piece of food from my plate and gave it to the mouse, no quetions asked.

In this place where a lunch..any lunch at all, is sometimes doubtful, one just learns to exist in harmony with brothers of other species.

Life Tax

In a coal-mine town today..The population consists of mine workers, engineers, officers and a small service sector to cater to the above. The scene looped my mind right to Kala Patther, the 70's movie. Red-Black dust subdued the sun and the people themselves were right out of a anti-racist philosopher's dream ; neither black, nor white, but exact gray, coated with coal dust! wonder what Mike Jackson has to sing about ladies from this part of the world.

We were driving back from a sales trip into the (further) interiors in the stockist's car when a bunch of gray boys, in their mid teens, formed a human chain across the road to block us...It did seem a primitive toll tax booth but when we stopped, the stockist actually started negotiating the toll amount with them..they came down from 100 bucks to 70, but started getting agitated when pressed further.Suddenly the leader of the gray pack shouted angrily "Pay up 100 now nahi to bhaiya will visit you personally tomorrow."

This bhaiya ,I found later, is the local self styled naxalite who does the 'collection' to keep the wheels of agitation well oiled.

Hey! Johnny Beggar

Location : Retail hut in a village called ItReallyDoesntMatterDoesItPur
Time : 11 AM
Scene: me making a pitch at the shop while this limping beggar swaggeres by, asks the shopkeeper for some money..the rascal's stinky as a pig, more alcohol than lack of hygiene.

Beggar: allah ke naam pe de de kuch paise garib ko, seth!
Shpkpr: paise nahi hai, boney ka time hai
(11 AM-boney?? just a day oin the life of rural india-shankar)
Beggar: Kuch khila hi do seth, raat ka khana bacha hoga
Shpkpr: Khana nahi, peena bacha hai..peeyega?
Beggar : angrezi hai to chalegi, desi suit nahi karti apne ko!!!

Shine on,India!

Bigadda.gym

Friends go, Love goes, Money goes, Homes go ; Gym remains - Lets pump up!!

UV

The Saturday night fever carried on to the hotel too. The normal corridor lights were switched off, and instead, bright blue bling lights lit up the entire way. “here comes de hotsteppa” Move over Marriott, Hotel Shiv Gopi’s gonna kick some ass.

Glo-Bahoo

The salesman abandoned his plan of heading out at 5:30 AM tomorrow to some distant shithole so I got a windfall holiday..Its criminal to actually expect a weekly off here so it has to be called a windfall and felt appropriately grateful for. Decided to get myself a good dinner to remind that Saturday evenings were supposed to be fun sometime in the past. March to the best restaurant around-Panchsheel Manpasand. Ignore the name, the place is actually half–decent.
I was the only ‘non-phamilee’ chap where most groups were families, ranging from 4 to 6 members. The bahoos of the families here are really like the flashy red beacons on old white ambassadors. They’re seriously dressed so over the top, glitter and all, it even puts the dilliwallahs to shame. The barometer of a family’s success, power and wealth is how much of a glow-worm the family bahoo is.

TCS in Las Vegas(pur)

“Vishrampur” welcomed the board on the road. I immideately thought of the logo “Vishrampur-the citi always sleeps” and quietly laughed at my own joke, making the salesman doubt my mental stability.

So well, shop after shop of the same plastic smiles and sales pitches when we came across a chemist. A chemist less ordinary because he had made a shop-in-shop by dedicating his entire left wall to condoms and titled it TCS-The Condom Shop.
Yes, you’re really reading what you’re reading-In this sleepy, forgotton by the world hamlet called, out of all names, ‘vishrampur’, there is an entire wall dedicated to condoms- all colors, flavors, varieties, durations possible.
Makes me wonder-was Vegas also one day like Vishrampur, chanced upon by an pirate entrepreneur , jolted out of his own sleepiness by an experience as unexpected as this.

Wicked Games

I returned from the field alone as the salesman wanted to hang around longer for some personal work. ,It was a 4 hour long , bumpy ride.I was looking thoroughly like an NRI snob, Ray-Bans firmly stuck to the nose. Desparately needed to entertain myself. A middle aged villager sat on the adjacent seat.Ah, here comes the bakra! I offered him some of the snack I was eating. The man smiled and took it. Soon, he wanted to make conversation. “Are you from abroad ? ”, he asked “Well, no..from Mumbai”, replied the Ray Bans. He now waited for me to ask him the same , but I wouldn’t give him the pleasure, no sir. Soon curiosity killed the cat- “ So Mumbai must be a big city, no” “sure” 2 minutes of pregnant pause..blink bugger blink. Bingo! “So..nice girls there?” Now Ill really gave it to him, lied through my Ray-Bans, “Yeah man, hot chicks, real good ones, and running after men , too! You know, since the sex ration is just 800 men to 1000 women, we get lucky all the time. You should check out Mumbai sometime dude” Pause...Knock out punch boy, he’s gonna hate his village forever now.
“If you think Mumbai is so good why are you in Ambikapur ?”
Phoooos..goes the prank.

Lap Dance

The return journey in the early morning was far more comfortable and doubtless, safer.
A very interesting cherry on the cake now..I was sitting on the aisle seat in an impossibly crowded (and stinky bus) . A girl standing casually leaned across and sat on my lap..after the initial surprise, I requested her to get up..she smiled and complied..But within 5 mins, it was back to the unwanted lap dance.This time I told her to get up a little louder, hoping the public attention and disapproval will embarrass her into permanently moving.To the contrary , she smiled and said she was too tired to stand..and the public, yes our Indian public, smiled and refuse to take it any further..Now I just pushed her away and thankfully, she moved away for good this time..Phew!
Rest of the day was fairly regular..took a bath in manendargarh and did the market with the stockist, came back after a very very sumptuous lunch of biryani and kaleji.

Fooled by randomness

Early morning rush to the railway station, to catch the 7 AM train, which sauntered in casually at 8..long sleep all the way to Chirmiri, coal mine town. Beautiful natural surroundings..got to the stockist a bit late because of train delay.The salesman had already left for the market with others. Discussed the possibility of opening a stockist in the north western edge of the state with the stockist.He suggested we take a trip as the market was ‘reasonably flourishing’ there..quick decision to move immideately. Misguiding bastard. Long, slow ride through a lonely countryside. Pure, hauntingly beautiful forests on both sides of the road. We would come across another vehicle only every 5-6 kms..though there were rivers to be crossed every 2-3 kms..While some had bridges, others had to be driven thru!!
The bus was full of semi tribal people..Crossed some road side sluts peddling themselves to goodness knows who. I rode almost half way standing at the door of the bus, which was memorable not only because it felt good but also as it reminded me of Mumbai, beloved Mumbai.
In that 120 km long stretch, we just crosses ONE place that could lay claim to being a semi village.
Finally, Jankapur-felt like El Dorado..but where was the fabled treasure.. The place turned out tiny and irrelevant in terms of shop coverage. The villagers looked suspicious and held us in a constant stare that seemed to be mocking the moronic babus.
A casual walk and some light enquiries led us to the big grocer of the village, also the substockist of the HLL (Impressive, mate!) An hour of useless, aimless negotiations later, we set to look for food and a place to stay..food was not to tough, navigation in the pitch dark was..snakes, naxalites, random dacoits even a wayward insect depositing his venom into my nerves in self defence. The bumper surprise came in the form of the lodge..named maa chand(after the local pagan goddess), the 3 storey structure was almost half a kilometer inside from the road, instantly arousing suspicion.The room was shady as shady could be, we being the only occupants on the 3rd story of the desolate building, green walls et al. seemed like a scene right out of an underground S&M movie.. We decided to keep awake the entire night, alert and ready to fight till the end, if need be. The heroic effort lasted a total of 15 mins, when the exhausted soldiers fell into slumber.

Washing-a-Ton

Day began with me giving hell to the hotel attendant who didn’t get my clothes washed because his mouth was paining..had a momentary vision of the bastard whirling all my clothes in his mouth like a ‘front-loader’ .Quite entertaining ,these hotels, right from the raipur one that wanted to make my stay as hospital as possible to this one, where they work on a parallel timeline altogether.

Shankarji - The Boss

Last week went by in a blur, sales tricks, walking like mad.Got to Ambikapur yesterday morning, and did the market entire day after that..Sunday was gone in travelling to and working the sitapur mkt.This is a semi Naxal territory and police stations have barbed wires and bunkers to fight back in case of an attack..Apparantly, ‘Vasuli’ does happen sometimes.The stockist was new and was falling over himself to please the ‘bada sahib’(ME)

Multiple Sarcasm

Spent the day behind bolted doors in the hotel room.somehow, it helps to protect my mind from the shit outside in this godforsaken small town.

Searching out all obscure friends,acquaintances, anybody to kill that feeling of being pulled out of ‘The Matrix’

Hit the road , Jack and don’t come back no more no more no more

Unexpectedly half-decent, this sleepy town Raipur in the middle of nowhere. But the mind is restless, Krishna!!
I find myself looking minutely at everything just to find something to criticize, ridicule as hopelessly small town..Voila! “ Hotel Aditya- our aim being to make the place hospital for our guests”